I need to sit down sometime and write about some of the parenting books and magazines that I’ve read. Some are so memorable…mostly for their shocking or disturbing comments, some for their really useful snippets. Maybe I’ll just jot down a few here from memory without trying to be all official like a major book review.
My friend C.D. loaned my Confessions of a Slacker Mom, and I can honestly say I’m not really enjoying it. I’ll read it all the way through, and I am sure there are parts I will agree with. But for some reason I feel she hasn’t quite achieved the humorous tone she’s reaching for, the one that covers her criticisms of modern motherhood with the self-deprecating depiction of herself as lazy. I feel like there’s this undertone of her saying “I’m going to call myself lazy, but I have just as many expectations for how I want my kids to behave and achieve as you do, I feel my way is better, but no one wants to read a book called “Confessions of a Superior Mom” so I’ll come at it from the slacker angle.”
Three Martini Playdate - While this book is also a commentary on overachieving modern motherhood, it hit the right tone with me. my one friend K.M. really didn’t enjoy this book as much as I think I she should have. In fact, I don’t think anyone I’ve shared it with enjoys it as much as I think they should. But this book, I think is hilarious for it’s tongue-in-cheek suggestions that we teach our children to assemble mixed drinks at parties as a way of developing math skills. Maybe that’s what my parents didn’t do for me…
Crib Notes - given to me at a baby shower in my first pregnancy by experienced mom and dear friend M.P., this absolutely amazing collection of random parenting info was invaluable to us. Sure we never actually folded a cloth diaper per their instructions but it was nice to know where to learn that process. And the first section on how to check if your child is the next Dalai Lhama, or the section detailing the differences in breasts pre-and post-nursing…priceless.
Siblings Without Rivalry - I have this one upstairs in my nightstand mini-library. I read it a lot before Dylan was born and it offered an interesting perspective on the impact of announcing to your first child that a new baby is on the way. The author likened it to polygamy…imagine your spouse coming home and saying, “I love you so much, we have such fun together, I’ve decided to bring home another you!” This is not *exactly* what you’re doing when you bring home a new baby, because the parent-child relationship is (or should be) fundamentally and emotionally different from the spousal relationship, but the impact and analogy is valid in many ways. I find myself thinking of it from time to time as a way to remind myself that each kid is special and unique - and knows their parents love them - but can still get really jealous of each other!
What to Expect When You’re Expecting - So many people have told me to ditch this book. For the most part, it’s harmless. But there are some sections I find totally stupid. Just plain thoughtless. In the postpartum section, there is a part addressing the negative emotions women often feel. This was during my first pregnancy, so I was quite the novice. And it really irked me that although the author enumerated the negative emotions, in my opinion she didn’t offer constructive ways to deal with the emotions. This one little paragraph has stuck in my brain for over three years. It said something to the effect of “get out of your bathrobe. Nobody feels good being in their bathrobe all day, unshowered and with no make-up.” I’m sure I was oversensitive or have read too much into that, but it seemed a somewhat dismissive approach to the challenges of new motherhood. I’m all for looking good on the outside to help yourself feel good on the inside, but sometimes I want to stay in my bathrobe all day and not wear make-up!!
There’s another book I read after Michael was born, it’s called A Perfect Madness, and it was a survey of motherhood in our society. I remember enjoying the book overall but the one thing that stood out was an opinion by the author that food allergies were somehow a way to exert control (subconsciously? consciously?) over a world in which we have increasingly lost control. That’s an interesting idea to float, but I’m sure parents of kids with real food allergies would be offended that their kids’ life-threatening allergies were (or could be) psychosomatic.
I seem to remember this author being sort of fixiated on how much better they parent their kids in France. I always like to read those kinds of books so I can sound like I know how Europeans raise their kids and claim that I utilize some of their tactics and methods. But mostly that’s for my own ego. Parenting in the trenches, for me, is kind of a spur of the moment thing the majority of the time. Later, when Ed and I debrief, then we devise these awesome strategies to handle the situation when it occurs again (which it rarely does). I should keep a bunch of parenting flash cards in my hip pocket rather than my usual martini flask (an idea I stole from that great book I mentioned earlier…)
…Pittsburgh has lots of family fun
